Several years ago, a client of mine confessed to a serious disconnect with a new member of her department.
"The questions she asks, the comments she makes, they drive me crazy", the exec confessed. "Strangely enough, her ideas work out to be good ones. It just the way she presents them that gets on my nerves. And now I think she's starting to pick this up and shying away from participating. I definitely want her on the team and want to encourage her best work. But how do I get over this problem?"
"Simple," I replied. "It's all a matter of style."
You see, my take on the situation was that the problem lay in the habitual work style of the two parties. And in the area of work style, there was a lot we could do.
Work styles are patterns of customary, learned behaviors which we manifest when we come together in groups to get something done. Since work styles are learned, surface behaviors, they can also be unlearned or relearned with systematic instruction.
When we are working, each of us behaves within the context of a number of "styles". For instance, in a committee meeting, learning styles, social styles, communication styles and inquiry styles all come into play.
Take, for example, inquiry styles. Inquiry styles are the customary verbal behaviors we use when we are asking questions and making decisions. There are five different inquiry styles: Synthesist, Idealist, Pragmatist, Analyst, Realist. Each one focuses on and asks questions about very different aspects of a situation.
For example, you may find yourself frequently using phrases like, "Well, let's look at the facts" and "What would that look like if…?" These verbal behaviors indicate a preference for the Realist style of inquiry. Realists like to focus on facts.
The person who drives you nuts, on the other hand, may tend to say things like, "Well, it seems to me that..." and "What would that mean if...?" These verbal behaviors indicate a preference for the Idealist style. Idealists like to focus on values.
Now, the best decisions are made when every style perspective is represented. However, under the stress of trying to make a decision, we often lock into our own preferred style and shut out the style perspectives of others. When I lock into my own style, questions from other styles seem dumb or quarrelsome. And so the Realist begins to get aggravated with the Idealist (and vice versa!)
To avoid this pitfall, you need to identify your own work style, understand the strengths and weaknesses of the other styles and then learn to practice "stylflex". Adjusting behavior to bring out the style strengths of others, we motivate them to do their best. And that's the connection we all want to make.
